We all have a few down days every now and then. Everyone has a few off weeks, a bit of time when we stop cleaning, stop taking care of ourselves, or otherwise have problems. Sometimes those dips map to big life events, like a breakup, losing a job, or moving. Other times, they don’t seem to connect to anything at all. But, it’s important to know when something is a few bad days and when it’s something worse.
Millions of Americans struggle with mental illness. In fact, 18.5% of the United States population has a mental health disorder. Yet, less than 35% of us ever seek out treatment for those disorders. That’s a considerable phenomenon, considering mental health disorders contribute to worsened quality of life, early death, and physical health problems. Additionally, while one in five of us has a mental health disorder, less than 1 in 10 of us will ever get a diagnosis. Learning how to recognize when your loved one is struggling with mental health is an important first step in reaching out, getting them into treatment, and helping them get their life back.
They Stop Doing Things They Used to Love
It’s one thing if people change habits, pick up new ones, and develop new interests. People change, their relationships with hobbies change, and life happens. Sometimes people drop things they care about because of stress, heavy workloads at school or work, increased responsibilities, or guilt. But, when it becomes a long-term and pervasive thing, you should start to worry. People need hobbies, they need friends, and they need time spent with people they care about to enjoy life and to be healthy.
Yet, many mental health disorders reduce interest and ability to develop interest in positive interactions and hobbies. This happens as the brain uptakes serotonin and dopamine more quickly, usually in response to stress, a disrupted serotonin production or uptake mechanism, or another problem. This causes reduced anticipation in activities and in spending time with people and reduced pleasure from doing something. This results in reduced interest in formerly pleasurable activities, reduced pleasure in doing those activities, and more feelings of “meh” and emotional blunting. If your loved one less frequently shows interest and enjoyment in things and more shows apathy and has difficulty caring at all, they are significantly likely to have a problem.
Of course, this is also self-reinforcing. Reducing your interaction with things you enjoy reduces the reward circuit triggering at all, which causes depression to worsen. Individuals struggling with depression and anxiety should be increasing their participation in healthy activities not decreasing them, but the opposite often happens.
Self-Medication
Self-medication, or the act of taking or using drugs or alcohol to manage stress or to deal with daily life, is a strong sign of a mental illness or substance use disorder. Happy and healthy people do not need a drink to cope with their day, do not take drugs of any kind to cope or manage, and do not have substance outlets for emotions and stress. If your loved one is using medication, even prescription medication, to deal with stress or difficulties in their life, you should consult with a medical or mental health professional.
Failure to Keep up with Responsibilities
It’s one thing if someone is clearly overburdened, has difficulty coping, and acknowledges this. For example, students going to medical school are very likely to be overburdened and to show significant signs of stress. But, while it’s important to assess workloads it’s also important to look at how the individual is coping.
Are they:
- Completely dropping responsibilities and simply not doing them? Do they have reasons like being tired, falling asleep, being anxious, etc.?
- Neglect self-care, such as regular meals, brushing hair, showering, changing clothing, etc.?
- Neglect things they used to care about, or which rely on them, such as pets?
- Lie about responsibilities to get out of questioning about them?
Most people with mental health disorders are well aware that they cannot cope but are often unwilling to admit it. Part of this relates to the stigma surrounding mental health. If you can’t do something, you’re “lazy”, “not trying hard enough”, etc. Getting through to your loved one might involve breaking that stigma.
While everyone will have a few bad days every now and then and everyone knows someone who just doesn’t keep up with chores, it’s important to pay attention to significant lapses in self and home care. For example, if someone suddenly stops taking care of their physical appearance or their home it’s a big warning sign. Similarly, if someone suddenly starts dropping class or their grades drop (or work) you should be concerned.
Other changes are much slower and more insidious, as someone drops one thing at a time over a longer period, so that it’s harder to notice. Quitting gym, gaining or losing a lot of weight, avoiding cleaning, going long periods between showers, and otherwise not taking care of yourself are all symptoms of mental illness. This is especially critical if it follows a traumatic experience, such as a car accident, a death in the family, or a breakup.
Sharing and Exhibiting Constant Stress
Constant feelings of stress and tension can be a sign that life just isn’t good right now. It can also be a sign that the body is reacting to a mental illness, has a cortisol imbalance, or is suffering from anxiety. If someone is constantly anxious, stressed, and feeling pressured, it’s likely a sign that something is wrong. Stress is both the number one cause of depression and anxiety and one of the most common side-effects of mental health disorders like anxiety.
Some stress is normal, constant feelings of stress, dread, and anxiety are not.
Difficulty Maintaining and Building Relationships
Good relationships are one of the easiest ways to get out of a period of depression and anxiety. Yet, they’re also one of the first things to suffer when someone starts struggling with mental health. Individuals with mental health problems have low energy, poor tolerance for stress, low reward circuit activity, and a poor ability to follow through on commitments, engagements, and outings. This means they drop seeing friends, drop relationships, struggle to maintain intimate connections, don’t seek out friends to talk, and otherwise lose connections.
That can make it harder for them to get help, or for their loved ones to see they need help. After all, it’s easy to react with hurt and to simply go away when it feels like someone isn’t prioritizing you or is pushing you away. But, those moments are often when people need you the most.
If your loved one is struggling with mental health, it’s important to reach out and to work to get them help. Mental health treatment can help your loved one to stabilize, to build better coping mechanisms, and to get tools they need to get their life back. If you need help, the Gooden Center is here. Contact us for a free consultation or assessment.